Top 10 Greatest Captains

After doing a lot of thinking and a little bit of research, I found it necessary to compile a list of the greatest captains of all time. Here we go....

10. Captain Planet

Planet ranks near the bottom of our list for three reasons. 1) He is found only fighting crime when the environment is in danger, meaning he often neglects to help out others in need. 2) He relies on teenagers to combine their power and summon him. 3) He has a green mullet.


9. Captain Falcon

Rumor has it Captain Falcon beat Speed Racer in a drag race. Otherwise we probably would have never mentioned him




8. Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Picard isn't even the best captain from the Star Trek series, so the only reason Jean-Luc makes the list is simple, his close resemblance to that of X-Men leader and mentor Professor Xavier.



7. Cap'n Crunch

Cap'n Crunch is a honorable Captain in his own right, however his low ranking on our list can be attributed to some questions related to a controversy involving soggy cereal and a discharge from the United States Navy.




6. Captain Kirk

A hero with Trekkies all across the galaxy, Captain James T. Kirk is one of the great men of his time. However it is that same association with Trekkies that keeps Kirk out of our top 5.



5. Captain Caveman

A Hannah-Barbera cartoon from the late 70s. Captain Caveman has super strength and a few helpful objects stowed away in his beard, but his one truly great positive is his trademark battle cry of "Captain CAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!"



4. Captain (of Captain and Tennille)

No one can deny the genius of "Muskrat Love," therefore no one can deny Captain's place on this list.




3. Captain Morgan

Well known for his pirating and alcohol, no list would be complete without "The Captain." Many a good times can be credited to this wonderful man, as can many a bad hangover. Thus Captain Morgan comes in at number three on our list.



2. Captain America

One of Marvel's great Superheroes, Captain America has saved our blessed country from the Red Skull and fascism time and time again. He is truly spectacular in his own right, sadly the only kink in his armor is the fact that he was frozen for several years, and well, we can't have someone that is easily frozen holding the coveted top spot of this list.



1. Captain Kangaroo

I think the picture says it all....