Someone please find this!

Find this movie, buy it for me, mail it to me, and then come over and watch it with me!

I will award you with 10 high fives, a liter of Dr. Pepper, and some popcorn.

Muppets!

I've decided that if I'm ever lucky enough to get married, I want the Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem to play at my wedding reception. These guys rock!

Poor Cubbies

As I stated yesterday, I am a big sports fan, and while my loyalties most often lie with the Astros/Rangers/Yankees, the Cubs have always had a special place in my heart. So this year has seemed like the time they were finally destined to break the curse and win it all. Unfortunately tonight they dropped the home opener to the Dodgers. For some reason, I just get a bad feeling that the Cubs are about to be outta the playoffs again.

I'm a big sports fan...

but I really must have missed something. Today during the press conference announcing the dismissal of Oakland Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin, I noticed something peculiar. Apparently former owner Al Davis sold the team to the Crypt Keeper.

Can't sleep...

So I'm renewing my love for The Venture Brothers. I'm pretty sure this is the greatest cartoon on tv...well behind The Simpsons..and maybe a few others.

Kazaam!

So last night the story broke that Shaq was free styling at a New York night club. Video I'm cool with the fact that Shaq is dissing on Kobe about not being able to win a championship without him. The proof is in the pudding, Shaq 1-0 Kobe 0-1 in NBA finals for each after the breakup. My problem is with how Shaq wraps things up, when he ask "Kobe how my ass taste?" Really Shaq? Why do you want to know what your ass tast like?

So ace!

Check it out!



Also check out JakeandAmir.com while your at it.

Top Ten Material?

Not sure how I feel about still having Captain Planet in my "Top Ten." Consider this strike one!

Speaking of awesome black kids...

This is an oldie, but a goodie. Maybe if the Asian woman would just give the boy his change, this wouldn't happen.... Video

He's baaaack!

I posted his first video yesterday, little did I know he was still up to trouble. Latarian Milton beat his grandmother down at Wal-Mart, crazy lady needs to buy him some chicken wings next time! Video

America is #1!!!

Pure comedic gold. I know Talladega Nights is old, but this clip isn't in the movie or DVD. Video

Eddie and The Kid

Eddie Murphy is highest grossing actor of all time, Ken Griffey Jr. is considered by most baseball experts to have the purest swing they have ever seen. Sadly, Eddie Murphy is no longer funny and Ken Griffey Jr. is no longer one of baseball's elites. To put it simply, Ken Griffey Jr. is like the Eddie Murphy of baseball, or is the other way around? Regardless, both share a similar promising beginning a fall from glory. I feel that it is my duty to draw the comparisons between the two men who once dominated their respective fields.

The Early Years

Eddie was young, hip, funny, he could do no wrong. Eddie was comedy's triple threat, he could do stand up, sketch comedy, and movies. He made us laugh until we cried with his almost Richard Pryor like greatest on the stage, he showed of his pure genius with his portrayal of Gumby on SNL, and no one can ever forget the greatness of Beverly Hills Cop. Eddie Murphy was on top of the world.



Ken Griffey Jr. had grown up in Major League Baseball locker rooms all across America. His father, Ken Sr. had played for the 1970 Cincinnati Reds (The Big Red Machine.) It seemed as though early on Junior was destined for greatness. A five-tool player, the young Griffey could do it all, bursting into the MLB spotlight at the tender age of 19, many felt that Griffey Jr. was capable of being the greatest player of all time, I mean for goodness sakes he had some awesome video games named after him.

The Dark Era

While the box office numbers will tell you Eddie entered into a career slump in the early 1990s, I feel that the trust test of the comedian is not how much money they are making, rather how much laughter they are generating. Eddie had seen his moment in sun and in 1996 he had run out of funny. That year he came out with the famed movie The Nutty Professor, since then we have seen an epic run of terrible films. Daddy Day Care, Dr. Doolittle, The Haunted Mansion, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, and ....*gasp* The Nutty Professor II.



After the 1999 season Ken Griffey Jr. was returning to a place he had called home. After having a decade of success with the Seattle Mariners, the Kid was going to be playing for the team his father had enjoyed so many successful years with. Unfortunately for Jr. everyone failed to inform him that due to the rise in payrolls and influence of free agency, the Reds no longer relevant outside of the state of Ohio. His time spent playing for the Reds has been plagued by injury and Jr. has never fully lived up to his potential because of it. From 1990-99 Griff won 10 gold gloves, since going to Cincy he has yet to win one, only 3 of his 13 all-star appearances have come since signing with the Reds. In Cincinnati he has yet to win a Silver Slugger, MVP, or lead the league in runs, total bases, RBIs, or home runs, all feats he accomplished while a Seattle Mariner.

Hope Is Not Lost

As sad as all of this has been, there is hope for both men. Murphy was nominated for an Oscar and won a Golden Globe for his performance in the film Dreamgirls. It also turns out he was bangin' Scary Spice which is kind of bad ass. As for Griffey, well most people believe that without the injuries he could have been the all time home run king, but he did recently hit his 600th career home run and is now a part of a very elite fraternity of men who have done the same. Maybe someday these men can rebound, but until they will just be shells of the entertainment juggernauts they once were.

"I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend"

Latarian Milton is probably the greatest man to ever walk the face of the earth. I hope he made it through that weekend without video games ok. Video

Really?

I think its obvious why I decided to post this pic....



Sorry Dalton errrr.... I mean Robert.

Honorable Mention Captains

Captain Hook

Didn't make the list purely because of an overwhelming fear of crocodiles and clocks.




Captain Jack Sparrow

Popular pirate and captain, however his inability to maintain control of his ship and crew is what ultimately doomed him.



Captain Underpants

Ummmm..... can someone get this guy some clothes?



Captain Obvious

Annoying as all get out, not even sure why we let him on the honorable mention list, he'll probably just point out really obnoxious shit.



Captain Marvel

The often forgotten DC comic super hero, what more can we say other than...."SHAZAM!"

Even Hitler had a girlfriend

Years ago a small punk band named The Mr. T Experience wrote a song titled "Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend" and apparently in 1991 a movie by the same title came out??? Sounds kind scary. Anyways, that's all beside the point... the point Im trying to make is this. Hitler was a powerful dictator, which would explain how he had a girlfriend. Maybe the question The Mr. T Experience should be asking is...How the hell did that White Owl guy from KU get a fiance!?!?

Top 10 Greatest Captains

After doing a lot of thinking and a little bit of research, I found it necessary to compile a list of the greatest captains of all time. Here we go....

10. Captain Planet

Planet ranks near the bottom of our list for three reasons. 1) He is found only fighting crime when the environment is in danger, meaning he often neglects to help out others in need. 2) He relies on teenagers to combine their power and summon him. 3) He has a green mullet.


9. Captain Falcon

Rumor has it Captain Falcon beat Speed Racer in a drag race. Otherwise we probably would have never mentioned him




8. Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Picard isn't even the best captain from the Star Trek series, so the only reason Jean-Luc makes the list is simple, his close resemblance to that of X-Men leader and mentor Professor Xavier.



7. Cap'n Crunch

Cap'n Crunch is a honorable Captain in his own right, however his low ranking on our list can be attributed to some questions related to a controversy involving soggy cereal and a discharge from the United States Navy.




6. Captain Kirk

A hero with Trekkies all across the galaxy, Captain James T. Kirk is one of the great men of his time. However it is that same association with Trekkies that keeps Kirk out of our top 5.



5. Captain Caveman

A Hannah-Barbera cartoon from the late 70s. Captain Caveman has super strength and a few helpful objects stowed away in his beard, but his one truly great positive is his trademark battle cry of "Captain CAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!"



4. Captain (of Captain and Tennille)

No one can deny the genius of "Muskrat Love," therefore no one can deny Captain's place on this list.




3. Captain Morgan

Well known for his pirating and alcohol, no list would be complete without "The Captain." Many a good times can be credited to this wonderful man, as can many a bad hangover. Thus Captain Morgan comes in at number three on our list.



2. Captain America

One of Marvel's great Superheroes, Captain America has saved our blessed country from the Red Skull and fascism time and time again. He is truly spectacular in his own right, sadly the only kink in his armor is the fact that he was frozen for several years, and well, we can't have someone that is easily frozen holding the coveted top spot of this list.



1. Captain Kangaroo

I think the picture says it all....